Morning of the Flight

The morning of the flight begins with a tangle of nerves as the reality of the upcoming flight sets in. I woke up early, feeling a mixture of dread and apprehension. Physical symptoms of anxiety, a racing heart, and a slightly upset stomach kicked in, making breakfast challenging. Despite attempts to reassure, I checked my packing compulsively and rehearsed a calming strategy of deep breathing.

Journey to the airport

The car ride to the airport felt surreal. What added to my growing anxiety was being responsible for taking a couple of my teammates with me. I occasionally looked out the window driving with an air of finality, quietly wishing I could turn around. I kept my inner thoughts to myself trying not to appear anxious or nervous. My thoughts were consumed by “What if something goes wrong?” “What if I have a panic attack?” “What if I am sick on the plane?” My mind shifted between fear and the need to stay calm and focused on getting us safely and on time to the airport.

As we arrived at the airport, a new wave of anxiety hit me. Checking in and navigating security was completely new to me. I remember my travel bag got stuck through the security scanning process. Seeing airplanes taking off, hearing announcements and the overall bustling airport atmosphere rekindled my fear. I had a coffee which calmed my nerves, met up with the rest of my teammates, and walked around the airport lounge to take my mind off the flight ahead. Waiting at the gate, the realization of the impending flight made me feel tense.

Boarding the Plane

As I walked down the gateway to the plane, a mix of dread and resolve crept over me. Every step felt like an act of bravery and a point of no return. Once on the plane, I took a deep breath, sat down (avoiding a window seat), buckled up, and started focusing on grounding items such as looking at comforting photos on my phone and playing games and music to take my mind off that I was actually on a plane about to take off. When the flight attendants gave safety instructions, my anxiety increased, with a racing heart.

During Takeoff

Takeoff can be the most terrifying part for someone with a fear of flying and it certainly was for me. As the engines revved up, I braced myself, clenched the armrests, and closed my eyes tightly pretending to sleep.

I imagined myself elsewhere. The feeling of the plane lifting off was unnerving and was a strange sensation. I felt helpless and tense, hoping for the aircraft to stabilize quickly. I was hoping my nervousness was not showing to my teammates.

During the Flight

Once the plane reached cruising altitude, I began to relax, though every small bump or sound reignited my anxiety. I needed to check that everything was “normal” by taking reassurance from the calm demeanor of the flight attendants, my teammates, and other passengers. I continued with my distractions of turning to my phone and scrolling through photos, listening to music, and playing games. I was comforted knowing it was only a short flight of around 1 hour to our destination.

During the flight, changes in altitude led to some discomfort and pressure in my ears. This I found out later happens because the air pressure in the cabin changes rapidly during takeoff and landing, while the air pressure in your middle ear may not adjust as quickly. Due to the difference in pressure between my middle ear and the cabin, my eardrum felt stretched, leading to slight discomfort, muffled hearing, and my ear popping. A strange popping, and clicking was my eustachian tubes opening to equalize pressure. Thankfully it was not painful and passed over time.

After the Flight

Upon landing, the relief was immense. I felt a sense of pride and accomplishment and faced a major fear. This experience challenging as it was, inspired me to attempt another flight shortly, knowing now what to expect and that I could overcome it.

After facing my fear of flying for that tournament in Ireland, I had one of the best experiences of my life representing Kent. The journey was transformative. I confronted my anxiety and fear. I also displayed some of my best individual performances in a Kent shirt.

The tournament was a thrill, with every match bringing out the best in me and our squad. We had unforgettable wins that showcased our team spirit and dedication, making it a competition I’ll always cherish. And beyond the thrill of victory, I was fortunate to explore a little bit of Ireland, soaking in its unique charm and stunning landscapes. If I hadn’t conquered my fear of flying, I would have missed out on an experience that enriched my life and left me with treasured memories.

Travelling Solo

I next had to overcome my other fear of traveling and going to places alone. I did not have a circle of friends I could go with and had reached a point where I no longer had family holidays. I also had my interests and destinations that I wished to experience.

My father sadly passed away back in December 1995 following his long battle with multiple sclerosis and then cancer. Christmas didn’t feel like a festive period to celebrate and enjoy that year and many years after.

Traveling alone can feel daunting, especially with the common fears of loneliness, safety concerns, and handling unexpected situations without support. Navigating a foreign city alone, figuring out transportation, and dealing with language barriers felt overwhelming. The absence of a travel companion made me worry about boredom, vulnerability, embarrassment, and feeling isolated in an unfamiliar place. These concerns led me to avoid solo travel, fearing that I would struggle and not enjoy the experience.

I learned that not traveling alone means missing out on the transformative benefits it can offer. Solo travel allows you to explore on your terms, develop confidence, and embrace independence. It opens up opportunities to meet new people from different cultures, enjoy uninterrupted moments of self-reflection, and rediscover passions that may go unnoticed in daily life. Freedom comes with setting your itinerary, making spontaneous plans, and immersing yourself in each destination without distraction.

Overcoming these fears started with preparation and a shift in mindset. I researched safe solo travel destinations. I started with shorter solo weekend and day trips in the UK and picked destinations known for being solo traveler-friendly to help build my confidence. By focusing on the experiences and personal growth that come from solo travel, I could see past the initial fears and recognize that the journey will be filled with unforgettable memories and newfound strength.

Life Now

Since then, I’ve learned to embrace solo travel and flying. With each new trip, I make up for lost time, gathering experiences that have become essential for my mental health and well-being.

Despite losing my father, my mother extensively traveled the world, embracing adventures across Europe, America, and even as far as the Pacific Islands, including stunning New Zealand. She often traveled with friends who, like her, were widowed or exploring life alone, creating wonderful memories in the company of kindred spirits. From sightseeing in bustling cities to relaxing on serene landscapes she has experienced it all.

She’s also been on several cruises, revelling in the unique blend of exploration and relaxation that only life at sea can offer.